Vermont Northern Lights Career Development Center

Effectively Eliminating Approach Anxiety

by John Max

Approach anxiety. The single most difficult hurdle to overcome in pick-up. How did I get over it, and most importantly, how will you? Keep reading:

An ineffective strategy

We all know that in the Assanova's Rising post, I was placed in a situation of getting over my fear, or facing even more embarrassment by having a bride approach another bride for me.

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And even though I eventually approached, it wasn't a very successful strategy. Why? Because I was trapped in a situation where I still had to face the bride and everyone involved. This is not the route you want to take, because it only leads to further embarrassment.

Brides you never have to see again

This is the type of environment you should be practicing in. In this environment, you know that even if you are humiliated, you'll never have to see the same bride again, or at least not anytime soon. A perfect example of this, is this story: Moment of Clarity.

The events in that story shot my confidence through the roof. Even if I would have failed, my rationalization was that I would never have to see the brides again anyway. And I was further validated by knowing that no one else had the balls to talk to these brides.

Even if I failed, I could at least say to myself that I did something that other men were afraid to do. But more importantly, pay attention to the positive spin I put on it. If I had put a negative spin on it, I would have further fed my fear.

Play it out in your head

It is much more relaxing when you visualize each step in your head, even if failure. By doing so, you increase your chances of success. Psychologists have found that those who play out each step in their heads and visualize it are more likely to succeed.

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And even if you do fail, you have already went through the pain of failure in your head, so it won't be as bad when it actually happens. Think of it as prep work. The more you mentally prepare and visualize the scene, the more you'll be ready for the actual event.

Step into character

A very useful skill you can learn if you take any acting courses, is the ability to step into character. It has been proven that people are more willing to do things if told to do so by an authoritative figure.

This is how a lot of mass crimes happen. The person committing the crime justifies doing so because an authoritative figure told them to. Soldiers in the military are a perfect example of this.

But let's not focus on such a harsh example. An actor uses similar methods. When told to become a certain character, they can do so easily because they can claim that it is not them, it is someone else.

A strong example is the movie Brokeback Mountain. The guys can justify becoming homosexual characters and getting physical, because it is not they themselves that are homosexual. Thus they justify their actions.

I tend to use this tactic a lot. I am a very shy guy, but I have absolutely no problem stepping on a stage in front of any amount of people, because I can easily step in and out of character.

When I do certain things, it is not the quiet shy guy, but it is a character I have created doing the deed. And thus I am able to throw myself, or rather that character, right in without worrying about my anxiety.