I feel compelled to write today in appreciation of a regular reader of Hooking Up Smart. She calls herself The Singlutionary. She comments regularly, and she has her own blog, which you may have checked out. I love it. I love her. She is a woman who is not in a relationship, and she has made it her goal to feel great about that. She succeeds with grace and wit. Actually, it’s her wit that keeps drawing me in. Her voice is unique and refreshing, self-effacing and charming. We can all learn a lot from her as she struggles, like we all do, to live a full and rewarding life. 

The Singlutionary’s Mission Statement:

 ”I am an expert at being single.  Oh, I’ve been that single girl who did everything a desperate, horny, lovesick loser does. And I lived to tell about it. Now, I live a happy, healthy, pity-free life and I seek to share my love for single (and desperation free) living with the world. No more desperate dating, pitiful pining and wahhhh-wahhhh-waiting!”

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Here are the bits that I consider the Best of The Singlutionary:

•         If a date doesn’t call me I don’t sit around thinking about all the things I might change about myself so that I would be more acceptable or attractive, I just shrug my shoulders and go look at the pumpkin vine in my backyard and marvel at how fast it is growing.

•         I think that the very first thing in finding a partner who isn’t going to use and abuse you is to know your own worth. How could I know my own worth if I was running around with idiots who wanted the world from me in exchange for a cheese cracker?

•         I would never let some idiot guy come in and smash up my awesome little life with his sledgehammer of idiocy. 

•         Until this year, I never really dated. I thought dating was a sexist, too-formal, antiquated and artificial system for matching people up. But then again, my informal, collaborative, contemporary system of getting involved with guys was producing results which were neither joyful, genuine, productive or gender equal. So I tried dating. According to my mother you can’t “knock it until you’ve tried it.” Well, I’ve tried it and I would now like to knock it on its ass and then eliminate it all together.

•         Dating for the sake of dating is about finding a partner and being proactive about it. So that should be a good thing, right? Maybe. I would prefer that people live their lives fully while simply being open to finding a mate instead of constantly looking under every bush and rock like they’re on an Easter egg hunt.  

•         Yesterday, in order to self-soothe my disappointment over the disappearance of the Pedestrian Bridge boy along with the disappearance of my lifelong career aspirations, I went to Costco with a friend where I bought a giant triangle of brie cheese and an even gianter container of pickled jalapenos. I suppose people would buy this kind of container of jalapenos because they run a bowling alley and serve up nachos. My roommate, who does not love these delicious peppers in the same way I do, asked me why I had bought such a thing and how I was going to eat it. I don’t know. I said. Maybe I will eat it with brie cheese since I also have a lot of that. And that is what I did. I watched 4 episodes of Big Love, drank some wine and ate crackers, each piled up with a bit of brie and a sliced pickled jalapeno. Its delicious. Its the best thing ever!

•         My cupboard is full of sadness today. On the top shelf are the ingredients for the homemade granola that my (now estranged) sister was going to sell at my homemade performances. There is also an entire extra giant can of sea salt which my ex-boyfriend returned to me after we had broken up and I had already run to the store to get me a new one. There is a small baggie of couscous which I parsed out in preparation for a camping trip last year which was thwarted and never re-planned due to all the trauma which fell out of my life since. I even have a container of dried-soup which I kept in the drawer at my hated-job for quick lunches two years ago! No wonder the thing is full of things I don’t want to eat. It’s just full of the past year and all its difficulties. I ate the joy and left everything else sitting up on the shelves, taking up space.

•         In the law-of-attraction kind of way, I am attracted to sane stable people who are a little bit unusual. In the sexual attraction kind of way, I am attracted to idiots and psychos.

•         When I was in the place of single-as-desperate instead of single-and-satisfied, it was really hard to get to know people in random places. But now that I am learning to be who I am and enjoy my life I wouldn’t be afraid to talk to someone in dog class or on the hike and bike trail because I would just be chatting. I’m not looking for anything, just enjoying my life. And if the other person is like: “You freak. Ew. Quit talking to me. You stink.” I would be like: “Hey, I actually do stink a little bit but its not like your pits are all pristine in this weather either.” And I would go on my merry way. 

•         I am in bed at 11:30 at night and I am getting very excited about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I squirm around and kick my legs in anticipation. So while I don’t know exactly how I want to live my totally-wide-open-wonderful-single-life, I do know what I want to eat.