In my last post I talked about being the Man in your marriage. I acknowledged at the outset of the post that there are many men who are in long term relationships who are, for all intents and purposes, married.

Today I'll summarize some of the alternatives to civil, legal marriage that seem to be evolving. It's difficult to tell, but many of them seem to be geared toward two things: (1) avoiding the one-sided harsh treatment of men in divorce; and (2) keeping the State and government out of intimate personal relationships.

A few caveats here. First, this post is descriptive only. It is not prescriptive. We're not telling you to do anything here; or that any of these arrangements will suit your purposes. Second, it's not legal advice. Consult a lawyer if you have questions about the legal effect of these arrangements. Third, none of this governs how child support is handled. If you and your paramour have children, everyone will expect you to support them -- including your significant other, your family, and your government. You can and will be expected to support your children on pain of severe monetary penalty.

Looking For International Marriage Agency? Try Loveawake Free Dating Site:

Swedish Marriage Agency
Indian Marriage Service
Japanese Marriage Agency
Aussie Marriage Site
German Marriage Agency You Can Trust
Norwegian Marriage Website

Cohabitation And The Common Law Marriage Trap

This is just what it sounds like. One man and one woman, living together and sharing expenses, much as would a married couple, but without the legal part or the ceremony. The advantages are that it can be easily ended, unilaterally by one party, regardless of duration.

The disadvantage is that the "long term" part might result in a legal marriage. Some states have "common law" marriage, in which a man and woman living together and holding themselves out as husband and wife will be considered married. The relationship usually has to be continuous, conspicuous, with the appearance of marriage, and for a long enough period of time (usually a number of years) for a common law marriage to arise. Again, consult a lawyer if you have questions about it.

Another disadvantage is that if your partner dies or is disabled, you might have no rights as to her estate or to make decisions about her medical care. You might be able to handle these through careful estate planning and through the use of things such as living wills and durable powers of attorney. Consult a lawyer about these things.

Contract Partnership And The Illusion Of Security

This involves a man and woman in a romantic/sexual relationship, living together or not, who set out the parameters of their relationship in a written contract. These can be used to cover what will happen in the event the relationship ends -- parties waive rights to support and/or alimony at the end of a relationship.

An advantage of this is that a contract governing the conclusion of a relationship can give you peace of mind. But, this could be illusory, because it's questionable how a contract like this could or would be enforced. As a relationship proceeds, parties change positions. One becomes financially dependent on the other; another comes into a sizable amount of property through an inheritance. It's questionable whether the agreement would be enforced based on the parties' positions at the time the agreement was drafted and signed; vis a vis their positions at the time a dispute arises or the relationship ends.

Another issue is that a contract of this nature can cast a formal pall over the relationship.

Covenant Marriage And The Church Alternative

This is marriage in every sense of the word, except there is no legal marriage license and the marriage is not registered with the county/state. The state simply isn't involved in the formation or governance of the relationship. Instead, the relationship is between the man, the woman, and their church. The man and woman agree that their church, not the state, will resolve any disputes about the relationship. The church will also dictate the end of the relationship should it come to that; and will further decree the rights and obligations of the parties after the covenant marriage ends.

Advantage: Keeps the state out of the relationship; and at least attempts to eliminate divorce inequities visited on men. Disputes and the end of the marriage can be resolved more quickly and more equitably by persons closer to them and with an interest in the well being of all parties involved. Keep in mind that this is for the Christian minded and won't be for many people.

Disadvantage: The state might simply decree these to be legal marriages and therefore step in. One party might seek to involve the state anyway, especially if there is a child support dispute. (This arrangement will not obviate anyone's legal responsibility.) The church might not end the relationship even if both parties want out. And this will only work equitably with a church that is not femcentric. A man who is covenant married in a femcentric church can expect disputes to be resolved in favor of his wife.

Separate Living Arrangements And Financial Independence

In this arrangement, a man and woman see and date each other, but have separate finances and living arrangements. She has her place, money and things; he has his. She stays with him sometimes and he stays with her sometimes; or they can retreat alone to their own homes when they wish. This seems to be a favorite among older divorced and widowed men and women who reenter the dating/mating marketplace; but for many reasons simply don't want to remarry legally.

Advantages: Preserves autonomy and protects assets from divorce/family law adjudication. Relationships can be formed and ended easily and quickly. Each participant can retreat to their own living space when desired and/or needed. Seems to be good for older men and women who are "set in their ways".

Disadvantages: Lack of mutual living space leads to lack of intimacy and trust, and might not work well to keep a long term relationship together. This is only for truly independent men and women, and not for people wanting or needing mutual dependent financial or emotional support. You can't count on that partner to be there at all times when you need them, because they might not be. No rights against other party in event of death or disability.

A final note is to exercise caution with these. States and state legislatures make and govern family law, which varies from state to state. I predict that going forward, state legislatures will do whatever is necessary for the protection of women and children; and this will include declaring some of these arrangements to be legal marriages after the fact and when disputes arise about those relationships. States will probably use the "totality of circumstances" or the "walks like a duck" approach. If your relationship looks like a marriage, operates like a marriage and has most of the features of a conventional marriage; then the state, or a family law judge, very well could deem you to be legally married. Therefore, you'll have all the obligations (and your "wife" all the rights") associated with marriage, including alimony, formal asset division, etc. Use caution in the brave new world of marriage alternatives.